Lets just say this is one of those unscheduled 'just a thought' type post. I was not planning to write this but it came to me whilst travelling into work this morning and wanted to write it down as more of a online day diary to myself.
I have spent so many years, worrying, pondering, the 'what ifs' , hiding, sheltering myself, I hid away as that is where I had always felt safest and in doing that I know I missed on so many opportunities because I was scared, afraid, worried of what people may think , worried if people will be horrible, subjective or speak behind your back.
The often problem I had was 'worrying of how other people thought of me' whether it was the way I spoke, dressed, how I styled my hair and make up. Image was always a big factor. I even spent many years wearing dark colours - and wearing baggy clothes. My confidence and self-esteem had been so low to a point where I didn't like myself very much and this reflected, I resulted to staying at home alot, comfort eating.
What made me write this post? I was on the train this morning and I saw this young girl who could of been in her early 20s, I noticed half of her face was deformed, scarred - you could see she did not want to be seen, she was vigilant of people noticing. But you know what made me notice her? Not her face, but she was speaking beyond volumes in other ways. Her personal style, her stance, how she still stood tall. I had to say I loved her outfit, (I was actually wondering where she got her shoes from!.) And her hair was flowing with natural curls. Even though she was covering her face, she seemed to be so confident all the same - she could of easily been hiding away but here she was communiting on this horrible train (which is always a nightmare in the mornings!) in a lovely summery outfit starting her day.
And thats what made me think... Why waste time? Why waste time on worrying on the small stuff? I actually feel regretful and silly for thinking all these thoughts for all these years and really stopping myself from getting out there - why be miserable? Its natural to have down days but I want to try to not stay there anymore.
So my goal for myself? Is to start living and thinking positively ...
I want to go for things I am afraid of, I have been thinking of starting YouTube for the past year, Ive even bought a camera specifically and its been gathering dust. I guess you become fearful of what is already out there and think can I compare to all these amazing YouTubers/Vloggers.
My point is especially for those who are in their teens and early 20s - if you feel a pan of fear, or worry or any type of negative feeling - dont hold back, go for it, do it. Or you can end with years of regret and what ifs. I have already spent 8 years doing that but I want to change that now.
Sorry for this unexpected outburst and I hope I have not caused any offence, and hope I am making some sense here, but had to write this down and let go and hopefully help those who have or are experiencing this.
....And its all thanks to the girl I saw on the train today, she gave me inspiration, motivation and drive to get out there and most of all to stop complaining about the small stuff.
Have you ever had an experience of where it made you think differently?